Samantha: a Suggestion

Today I was working in the barn, getting things ready for the ewes coming in after Christmas. Although the tractor was making a terrible din, I had an old radio turned on in the background. My sheepdog enjoys Radio 4, especially on Sunday, because she’s a huge fan of I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. She’s particularly fond of the Chairman, Jack Dee, for some reason. Maybe she can detect the voice of authority there. I don’t know. Anyhow, I could see she was listening with particular attention, so I turned the tractor’s noisy engine off. It was the Chairman’s introduction and it came to the point where he says something a touch risqué about the fair Samantha. This week it wasn’t that funny and both Twink and I exchanged meaningful glances. You know how it is. Then it came to me: a truly smutty-verging-on-filthy introduction to the fair Samantha. It was one of those things, it came to me in one piece, whole, and positively throbbing.

Imagine Jack Dee’s doing his introductory spiel:

‘… and on my left hand sits the delicious Samantha…

Short pause, while audience chuckles knowingly. He continues:

‘And I think she has been treated harshly in the past. People don’t give her credit. She’s far from stupid. In fact I met a bloke the other day who said she knew lots about ornithology. He said they’d been out with a bunch of chaps in the marshes last week, and he swears she could spot a shag a mile away…’


Anyhow, I’ll allow the Beeb to use it, without my usual fee.

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